Just a thought!

After church today I was talking to someone that is very important to me and someone who I love very much. Her life is heading in a new direction, and she is so happy. While talking to her I realized that there are somethings that I haven't felt in a long time. Then I started wondering since I haven't used them will they disappear? Like missing someone so much that it hurts, or experiencing pure bliss and excitement just hearing his voice. I have only experienced things like this once in my life but the pain and the happiness I think are 2 things that were so dominant that I'll never forget. When I say pain I mean the good pain the pain of loving to the point that it hurts. So continuing my thought, I haven't felt these feelings in ummmm a good 7 or 8 years. I haven't really even been excited about someone.Do those feelings return I wonder when another love comes along. Or did the real hurt and years of recouping damage my ability to feel those things. Cause what was first seen as a remarkable way to feel but oh then came the pain. Then came the screw him I don't even care.. A little more pain then the numbness. Then I think as the years go on it's like something you don't really think about but I think the numbness may of spread. Where the idea of being back love sick is revolting lol. OK so maybe this is a side you may not of seen from me. The bitter old future cat lady side lol. But seriously do those things come back or when one does fall in love again are they more cautious and guarded to the point that those things don't return. And if they don't that can't be fair to the other person.
I've also been thinking allot lately about patience and good news. There has been alot of friends and family having really good things happen to them. While I have too, but my good things haven't really been the good things I had hoped for but rather unseen or undesired good things which is good and I'm happy and feel I shouldn't complain. But I never really intended in staying here, in Memphis. I like it here and it is where my family is but I have a hard time seeing progression here. For others yeah but for me it seems like a dead end. But maybe it's a dead end because I have made it that'll way. And maybe it's not what I want. I do feel like I am to be here for a reason but I don't know what that reason is nor am I that excited about it. Patience is waiting, patience is having faith in God's plan, all of it not just His plan for you but the plan for the world. Impatience is thinking your plan is some how better then His.. Which I don't think that but I guess my actions would say that I do. It's like that commercial IT'S MY MONEY AND I WANT IT NOW. It's my life and I want to know now. But I have to admit I am having fun. I am enjoying this chapter in my life. I'm enjoying watching others in my life open doors to new chapters in theirs as well. I am so happy for allot of people I know that are having new possibilities and opportunities coming to them but yep that hideous natural man comes out and it's like what about me. What am I doing wrong? What do I need to do better? What am I not doing? In church today I was thinking about the promises the Lord has given us, He never specifically say's when nor how those promises will be fulfilled only that they will. That's very comforting to me actually. I think I can put my impatience on the back burner and have faith in that.. I know that it's true and I look back upon my life and see all the stinkin irony of how things turned out but ya know I actually wouldn't change one thing. Along this journey I have found many things including myself, I've developed stronger relationships with my Lord, with my family and with some good ole folks. I am content, and I am happy... I'm kind of excited to see life unfold not only for me but for those that I love. Sometimes I feel I get way more excited for others when they have good news then I do when I have some. I love to see dreams come true. I love to see possibilities unfold. I love to see people grow..