Surprises!

Lately I have been on a bit of inward journey. I have found that there is alot of things in my life that I have been forceing.. Since discovering those things and correcting my approach to where it is comfortable for me and what I truely want right now, I feel incredibly free! There has been lots of surprises, one for starters I met a new friend. I adore him to pieces! It has been so much fun to be around someone with a similar humor as mine,someone that makes me laugh constantly and someone that when they look at you, you can see how much they adore you.. No strings attached just a friend that I can hang out with and not worry about what things mean or where it's going! Unfortunatly my new friend is not from this country and leaves Saturday to go home to Holland! That's right my friend came equipt with a sexy accent:) With in the short amount we've known each other, I discovered what it's really like to enjoy the company of someone of the opposite sex lol.. I have realized that I honestly have no desire to marry, I know this is contridictary to my beliefs but it's true.. Marriage has always scared me, and has never been something I've dreamed of. I feel that I have been forcing my self for years to have this desire. After my recent relationship that was leading to marriage ended, I found myself lost, cause I thought I was finally there, finally ready to consider marriage in my life, and I was afraid to lose that desire and feel like a failure or broken again.. But now it is so gone and I am ok with it, I am tired of putting so much pressure on myself to feel a way I don't.. I have absolutely no desire at this point in my life to marry, and it's ok... I have been dating quite a bit lately and have enjoyed every minute of just having fun and meeting new people.. I can't say that I'll never marry, I will stay open to the possiblility but for right now I wanna enjoy my life, and enjoy the people I bump into allong the way! Life is so much fun if we just live it!

What I do know!

Right now in my life, I feel there is a lot that I don't know and a lot that I have conflicting emotions regarding. So I wanted to dedicate this blog post to some things I've recently been thinking about, things I do know.. One thought I've had, and thing that I know is, we were all created in God's image.. Every last one of us, not just those of certain religious backgrounds, but every single one of us.. So we all are of divine nature. I believe it is the choices each one of us makes that will bring out that nature and cause us to be good people. I honestly don't believe it is solely based on religion or worship but on choices. I think all too often we all forget that we were all created the same way, that we all are children of God.. Second thought, confidence is sexy lol.. Believing in and loving yourself is contagious, it's powerful and it's beautiful. I recently wrote a post addressing my thoughts on this, but I'd like to twist it a bit. I believe confidence and loving oneself is also key to adequatly loving others.. In regards to this topic a lot of people say to love others you have to first love yourself, I believe that one can love others and not be completely sure about themselves. But I also believe to be able to give people the love they need you need to love you. If we are always focused inward and on what we're not, we are going to not only miss what the people standing right in front of us are, we are going to miss those precious moments in life that are so easy to overlook.. Third, JUDGEMENT... I think we all judge to a certain exstent. Sometimes it's just the intial shock of something being different then what you expected that makes us judge. I think that's normal but it's how quickly we address that, and about how we approach the differences. The older I get the more I think my hippie roots come out lol.. I say that because I feel like the key to not being judgemental is love. Loving others through anything, and not seeing them for what you think they should be but seeing and loving them for exactly for who they are.. I for one love that I'm in a world where we are all different. I love that we don't have the same challenges, or strengths, talents etc. And my philosphy is so what, so what if SueMarieMack Phillips died her hair pink and got a tatoo lol.. If they are happy and healthy I'm happy for them, if it's something that I think may not be making them happy then I'll be a supportive open minded person and I will always pray for them.. Lastly.. I know that I'm loved, I know that I have a great support team in this life, and I know that this life isn't easy (but it sure is fun).. I know that feeling and being free is important to me, which is why I make the choices that I make. I know that we have so much control on how we let this life effect us. I know that in my life are some extremely beautiful people, I know they have beautiful souls. I know that there is a God, I know that Jesus Christ is the savior of the world.. I know honesty is always the best policy. I know that I have a wonderful family.. And I know that I'm a good person... There's alot that I may not know right now but I am choosing to focus and glory in the known instead of the unknown.. I have a great hope that the unknown will be revealed when I'm ready for it.. Till then CHEERS!

Opinionated Jennifer...

A few months ago my dear sweet roommate came to me and said that she no longer wanted to go to church. She said I understand if this changes things between us. I assured her that it wouldn't, nor would it change how I viewed her and it hasn't. Don't get me wrong I strongly believe in the Gospel and will stand by it always. Through my membership I have seen many people that let the actions of other members affect them, I promised myself that I would never let another members actions or lack of actions affect me, because we are all flawed and imperfect. Most people that leave the church do so because they feel they don't belong, recently I have began to notice that many do treat people differently. Saturday my roomie was contacted by sister missionaries that are new in our ward. She told them they could come over. When they arrived they set and asked us both questions about ourselves, they asked about my callings then asked her about hers. She replied with I don't have any, they said oh we can help you out with that, she then said we'll to be honest I haven't been to church in quite a while. They then asked why, and about a 5 minute akward silence fell after she answered. The silence was broke when there was a knock at the door. My friend had came over so I excused myself to hang out with him. I did come back into the living room periodically as we were preparing to leave, and when I did once I heard one of them saying, this is a war Satan vs God and we all know God's going to win, so why would you pick the loosing side? This bothered me extremely. They told her they loved her and wanted her to make the right choice, but instead of trying to understand her they ridiculed her and tried to manipulate her through guilt/ fear.. After they left I found her crying on the couch. She said that she had been thinking about going back but was reminded by the sisters that she isn't ready. She doesn't see the point of being somewhere when you have to pretend to be something your not. The sisters told her she should just go, and would learn to love being there. I don't really think that's a good answer, I feel like we should do things because we feel it is right. Also after this experience I thought about how single men in the church treat women, how the missionaries often approach others, and just in general how some members treat those that are different and we are seriously anything but charitable. We are taught that we are to live our lives after the example of Christ. Yes we are to be missionaries and to help others, but what is the nature in which we are doing it? I thought about Christ's approach to the Adulterer, He look at her with love, with understanding, not with scorn and disappointment. I just feel there is an awful lot of ways of man that has seeped into Christs church. Jesus Christ is the only perfect person that has ever been on this earth and he didn't treat the sinners, the lost, or the traders like that, so why do we IMPERFECT people see fit to treat anyone any differently or look at them differently. I get that we get sad for others when they are making choices that we feel aren't the best for them, but how do we deal with it? Do we shun em? Do we make them feel like they are lower then ourselves? I firmly believe that at sometime in all of our lives our testimony is going to be less then perfect, we are going to struggle, we are going to ask why, we may even doubt a little, and we sure in the heck are going to sin, have weaknesses, and trials that may lead to bad choices.. So why in the heck do we treat people the way we do. Maybe I'm just being protective, but this is the way I see it. I think we should clear our mind of the who people should be and focus on who they are now and what they can become.. She has came to church with me a few times recently and will go to singles activities,she had been feeling more comfortable as of late.. After the sisters left and my roomie was upset, my friend Mike that was over saw she was upset and set down to talk to her, he told her that she shouldn't let them make her feel bad, that she was a great person, and that this life was to make choices for ourselves, and that God was an all forgiving and understanding God.. He isn't a member of our faith but he has a clear understanding of how to be loving, supportive, and charitable. So after this opinion formed I am making a charge to myself that I will be much better at not judging, at understanding, and at just seeing people for who they are and not what I want them to be..