Fail NOT

Last Tuesday I went to Institute even though I didn't plan on it. I went after recieving a caring nudge from a freind to go. It was a great lesson given by the instructor but I the thing that really caused some wheels to a turn in my head and in my heart was a scripture and her thoughts about it that Rachel shared while we were doing a group thing. It was in Moroni where he was talking about how charity never fails and if you pocess this you will not fail. This made so much sence to me, more then it ever had. Charity is the key... The key to everything. When I normally think of Charity I think of being nice to others. But it's so much more then that. Charity is loving God, God loving you, and seeing someone past the visible things and seeing their hearts, it's being sensitive to the spirit and knowing when someone is in need of help. Not just helping once someone ask but living so much outside of your own life that you are able to recongnize when someone else is in need perheps even before they are. Charity is also loving yourself the way Christ and Heavenly Father does, see the better you, seeing the beautiful you and refusing to fail. Charity isn't just about loving others, yourself or Heavenly Father, but to love BETTER. Iread an amazing talk last night. My friend Alyson and I decided to go on a Charity quest because this is something I feel like I have but have strongly misunderstood. I have a huge desire to have this attribute so we are on this quest and as of part of this quest I read the talk I made mention of which brought alot of light.

Do we judge one another? Do we criticize each other for individual choices, thinking we know better, when in fact we rarely understand another’s unique circumstance or individual inspiration? Have we ever said, “She works outside the home.” Or, “Her son didn’t serve a mission.” Or, “She’s too old for a calling.” Or, “She can’t—she’s single.” Such judgments, and so many others like them, rob us of the good part, that pure love of Christ.

We also lose sight of that good part when we compare ourselves to others. Her hair is cuter, my legs are fatter, her children are more talented, or her garden’s more productive—sisters, you know the drill. We just can’t do that. We cannot allow ourselves to feel inadequate by focusing on who we aren’t instead of on who we are! We are all sisters in Relief Society. We simply cannot criticize, gossip, or judge and keep the pure love of Christ. Can’t you hear the Lord’s sweet injunction: “Martha, Martha … ?”

Elder Marvin J. Ashton beautifully observed: “Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other.” 14



In exercising charity, we come to know a sister’s heart. When we know a sister’s heart, we are different. We won’t judge her. We will simply love her. I invite you to not only love each other more but love each other better. As we do this we will come to know with a surety that “charity never faileth.” 15

As seemed the case with Martha, one of the first things to go when I become cumbered about and troubled is my charitable attitude. Is this true for you?

I’ve learned that the best way to reclaim charity is to uncumber myself and simply love and serve the Lord. How do we do that? We start each day kneeling in prayer to our Father in Heaven, we hear His words through daily scripture study, and we follow the guidance we receive. We put Christ first, restoring charity’s circular love. “We love him, because he first loved us.” 16 This is the reciprocating cycle of charity. Sisters, “charity never faileth.”
Bonnie D. Parkin

How freakin Beautiful is that. Just made me think about how much charity I lack throughout my life. I try real hard to see the good in people and I think that is a strength of mine but I'm still human and I often get a little frustrated and annoyed with some people especially girls when I don't understand their behaviors. I forget that I have went through so many different stages in my life and personality that I was probably once like them as well. And I forget about my desire to have people see me for me but yet I forget to do that for everyone. I do have a big heart and love really hard and fall in love with people really easy (in a nonromanitc way, in a romanic oola la way I do not fall easily but thats an entire blog entry itself) but it does bother me when I don't seek to find the good in some people. Cause I feel so misunderstood when people refuse to see that in me. I have a strong desire to refuse to fail in this life, I refuse not to recieve the blessings we've all been promised. I want to try as hard as I can. I really want to be with my family again for all eternity. I recently thought about how the Priesthood and Temples seals families for all eternity so we have that promise but we still have to hold up our side of the deal. And I really want to be with them and my Heavenly Father. I really want to be a good person, so I'm realizing that I can do that with Charity now off to obtain it... Well try at least!

The Ugly and The Beautiful Truths

I have very vivid dreams almost nightly. Sometimes they are very realistic and sometimes I'm riding a turtle through the skies. I love to dream and I love my dreams they are so fun. For a while every time I dreamed a friend of mine Brenna was in them and in each one I was doing something dumb and she was making sure I knew it was dumb, except for one time you broke out in song and dance lol. I used to dream all the time about another friend of mine Rhett too, rainbows, people who did nothing but try on hats, being the number one boxer in the world with a booty like Jlo. My favorites are the man in the bunny suite, for about 2 months I dreamed various dreams about a man in a pink bunny suite. Normally my dreams vary and are extremely random. But every year about this time my dreams change and are only about 2 things. My Parents. It happens every June, I mean it happens through out the year as well but not nearly as much. Every since this month began I've constantly dreamed of them. It makes me miss them more then ever. Some of the dreams are so real and I wake up wanting to call them. Their personalities are normally exact in them, my mom is always so caring and protecting. My dad is always a free spirit getting into trouble. This is the month that both of my parents passed away, I'm guessing that's where the dreams come from. I think our minds and bodies remember traumatic events so vividly so anniversaries are very painful. I wake up thinking that I will see them like their deaths was the actual nightmare. I used to be very hard on myself when I'd get sad during this time, because of the Plan Of Salvation I know I will see them again and I have a great understanding of death and the Lords plan, I was hard on myself because I do know this and I thought my sadness and pain was me lacking faith. But I've learned over the years it's not a lack of faith I still know with all of my heart that we are sealed together by the power of God and that seal is eternal with no end! So it's not a lack of faith it's just me missing them, it is not a weakness, I'd worry more if this didn't happen. The dreams used to destroy me, I must admit they still make me sad but it's a time I feel close to them. The other time I feel close to them is when I attend the temple. The gospel of Jesus Christ has been my rock 5 years now. The truth is so powerful and so comforting. I know without a knowledge of my Savior and Heavenly Father and other eternal truths surviving this world would be very hard sometimes. But with it I find delight in the hard times because I can always ALWAYS see the light at the end of the tunnel. I see the bigger picture and know what is to come and I know that I can over come and move forward through EVERYTHING. I'm thankful for the atonement. To know he felt how I feel right now, He is the one that completely understands me.

Even though this is a month that brings back memories of 2 very hard years I'M GOING TO ROCK THIS MONTH. I'm going to remember them, and I'm going to keep trying my best to do my best so I can see them again. I also know because of my experience I can help others who have and will go through the same thing understand the comforting truth as I do. I'm going to keep wearing a smile on my face and in my heart. I am very happy. I really have so much more then I don't have. The Lord has blessed me greatly.

I eat sunshine and rainbows!

Life has been grand lately.... Filled with wonderful friends new and old.. Realizing that I have some extraordinary people in my life. Trying to get my house together has been fun and a long process but mainly cause I've put it on the back burner lol, but I have a garden and flowers with only one dead plant thus far. I've also had a few wake up calls lately and an abundance of the spirit present in my life. Having a blast every day. Life is good and I'm seeing rainbows and sunshine...

Last night I decided to start reading a book that I have called Everyday greatness by Steven Covey. The first chapter is titled contribution. I was reading this story about a boy who was a pretty uncoordinated kid in high school. He ended up making the track team because the coach was interested in his extremely athletic best friend who refused to join the team. So the boy told the coach that if he let him join the team then he'd talk his friend into following him. They both ended up on the team, their first race the boy was extremely behind the others and he really didn't mind that but he thought to himself I don't mind being behind but only if it's after giving my best and am I giving my best. He knew he wasn't so the coaches stand at the bottom of this hill when they see a boy coming over the top of it and they thought it was their best runner who was about to finish not only first but in record breaking time, it wasn't their best runner though, it was their worst, the uncoordinated boy. Since reading that story I thought alot on if I were doing my best. Over the years I've said many times that I feel like I have hit a brick wall and that I'm trying to climb over it but just can't make it. Lately I've realized that I haven't hit that wall at all I'm still miles away from it. I've put forth enough effort to get by but not enough to get me close to that wall. I haven't been doing my best. I'm not being hard on myself at all, these thoughts and realizations have actually been inspiring and uplifting. I think often we want something different we want something BETTER, but that's all it ends up being is a want and a thought. I am okay with where I am in my life in some regards but in alot I know that I can do better and that I can go further. Like one thing being my weight I think that I have tried everything and that I've done all I can do and it must be meant to be. But after thinking about the wall I thought if I had given it my best my all then I would be at my goal. I know better then anyone that I can do anything when my stubburn butt really wants to.

Ok so another random thought I had a few weeks came about after reading a scripture in Mosiah. An angel had appeared to I think the Nephites and told them that with faith and patience the Lord would deliver them from their bondage. I started thinking about different forms of bondage, theirs physical bondage like being enslaved, their is spiritual bondage that comes from sin, but I think there are more forms of bondage. I think we can put ourselves under bondage. When we think about all the expectations we have of ourselves or how we aren't where we want to be , this puts us under bondage where we are weighed down by something. This lowers our confidence and our the way we view ourselves there fore putting us into bondage. But when we let go and we have PATIENCE, and FAITH we can be set free from that because we know that Heavenly Father is aware of us LITERALLY and that with time his plan will be revealed and it will be greater then we imagined. I don't say this to myself just to mask my insecurities and issues but I say it because I fully believe it I fully believe that our faith and Patience in Heavenly Fathers timing will make us better people. Also it allows us to let go and be able to find joy in the journey. I have great joy and realize I have so much more than I don't have. So this is me holding my head up forgetting about the expectations that I have not met and remembering that I am part of a plan a grand plan, this is me enduring in faith, patience, and giving my very best. If I fail it's not going to be because I didn't do my best...

Okay one last thought that I had. Tuesday we had institute and it's a class about becoming good leaders and realizing our roles we have as leaders. I'm very excited about the class. At the end of the class we were giving an exercise to do. It was listing all of the roles in our lives in which we are called to lead, rather church callings, work, or other roles in our lives. Then link those roles to how we can help others come unto Christ. I haven't completed it yet but it has invited a thought. How in every role we play even the small ones, even the ones outside of the church setting we can be the type of person that leads someone to Christ. I've been on a Mosiah kick lately and read last night about King Benjamin's last address to his people and how when he asked how many people that day made a covenant with the Lord to always remember Christ and lead Christ like lives. And it turned out that the whole multitude had been converted and made a covenant with the Lord. How powerful. How real. His address was filled with spiritual truths that invited the spirit which brought about a change of heart in the people. I'm realizing that it's not an address that we always need to give to help others find Christ, sometimes it's a simple smile. I'm begining to understand that even us little people have big shoes to fill and a big role to play!

Ok the end lol... Sorry for the randomness. I've MISSED BLOGGING!