Paint your own Picture...

Ok so here comes the story. About 5 months ago when I was unemployed and had a broken foot I was at Walmart hobblin around trying to escape the cabin fever I was experiencing when I ran into this lady I used to work with way back in the day. I think I was about 23 anyway so we started talking and she was catching me up on everything going on in her family, when we were about to go our separate ways she said hey are you dating anyone, I so badly wanted to say yes but that would of been a big fat lie, so I said no haven't had much luck in that department, so I go from avoiding the lie to being WAY to honest. Anyway she goes on about how her brother in law would make the perfect match for me, he was single, sweet, funny and had a great job, so she asked if she could give him my number, I thought sure why not so I gave it to her...Forgetting all about it I get a voice-mail one night from this guy, I didn't call him back but he called back the 2 days later and I answered, she was right he was nice, BUT BUT BUT I started noticing he was a little different, one thing is he just talked and never really let me talk and I noticed he had patterns and routines. So one day we were talking like day 3 I think and he goes on about how I'm a perfect princess and how he'd treat me like one and how he wanted to meet up, so I started in on the questions avoiding the answer to his, and turns out he's 45 which ok If I'm attracted to a guy I don't care his age but I have to be attracted and I've never found a 45 yr old attractive but I could I guess, so I moved on past that then he said well my sister n law told me that she tried to tell you what I looked like but you told her it didn't matter all you'd see was my heart so you won't mind my lazy eye and that means so much. I though hmmm lazy eye hmmm well I could look past it but defiantly never said that but if I was a nice person maybe I would of so I felt quilt y any ways ok so more talking and it turns out he has some mental retardation AHHHH HAAAA I was right! So I was nice, and very forward in a nice way, and we eventually stopped talking. But in the midst of this came my problem I got kind of sad and hurt thinkin about what people must see in me. Cause so many people say oh this guy would be great for you and yeah this one too and then they all have mental disorders or a hunch back, ok the hunch back is me exaggerating a little, but still I started thinking is this what people see in me, that I have a mental disorder and am crippled by my physical appearance. I thought great I'm stupid and ugly. I never have really cared what others thought of me but this really did catch me off guard. So I tried rationalizing and analyzing what I do best and thought maybe it's not cause I'm those things but maybe it's cause I'm just really nice and appear easy to push over. I really want to be the nice girl who isn't judgmental or shallow but in ways I am. So anyways here I am analyzing and thought yeah thats the reason its cause I'm nice and people think I would be nice to the people no one else is, and yes that is true I am nice and I do treat them like human beings no matter what but just date someone I have absolute no interest in just for the sake of dating and being the nice person yeah not a chance. Way too head strong for that one. So one it's because I'm nice and two it's because people just don't take the time to really see me and most just don't know me. Anyway so that's what I chopped it up too and walked away from that thought. Well heres the refreshing part, tonight I visit taught Ann then we did a session together and to our surprise lovely Brenna was doing a temple endowment session too. GREAT SESSION by the way, the spirit was real strong and inspiring. Then after we went for frozen treats and sat and talked until we couldn't handle shivering any longer, so during our convos we were talking about a guy that allot of people say I'd be a good match for, and Ann and Brenna said no he wouldn't be a good match for you at all and they didn't know that they've met one that would be. This made me feel good and brought back the feelings I walked away from unharmed lol. It's a real good feeling to know that you've been seen, that someone actually see's past the outside and really sees who you are and what you bring to the table.They are two of my favorite people and I'm real thankful for this great night even with the shivers it was a good night. And I hope that I will truly see people more from the picture I allow them to paint for me and not from the pictures other people paint of them. That I will truly see others as well. Well I'm saying goodnight to this good day. Hopefully my dreams are calmer tonight, last night I think I dreamed about everyone I know and everyone I have ever known..

Growing Up continuation....

So as many know, I have been looking into buying a house. I posted some pictures of one I really liked but when it came down to it I had a bad feeling, so I walked away from it. So I finally found one that I feel good about. Today I had the inspection, and everything went great. There was a few repairs needed but nothing too big. It's not a huge house but it's 3 bedroom and 2 baths and has a great back yard. I'm still trying not to get my hopes up just in case something doesn't work out. BUT I'M SO STINKING EXCITED....Taking my Grandma and 2 cousin to go see it tomorrow so I'll post pictures soon!

Wake up Calls

So about a month ago I got rear ended on Germantown parkway when I was stopped at a red light. This woman hit me from behind going about 55 mph. I was looking in my rear view and watched it all happen and I remember the awful feeling and the awful sound. My car was OK and I wasn't hurt but since then I have developed a huge problem. I've never been in a wreck before where someone else hit me. I've backed into plenty of cars and various other things but have never been hit or hit anyone head on. So ever since this incident I freak out when I'm driving. I watch my rear view constantly and when anyone gets to close I freak out and scream and have even done more drastic things that can cause a wreck it'self. Like a few days ago I was getting on hwy 40 from Austin Peay hwy and when I went to merge onto the on ramp I looked up and notice the car behind me going really fast then they apparently slammed on their brakes and slid I was screaming even though nothing happened. Then moments after that I was merging onto the 240 and I saw a car heading towards me going fast and I flipped out again and veered over to the other lane to avoid them hitting me not realizing I didn't look before going into the other lane, luckly there wasn't any one in that lane but still. Any way so I started thinking that I'd really lost my mind and have ptsd or something and wondering how it would ever stop. It was at that moment that I thought umm what are you doing Jennifer, you know that this is like everything else in life, something that can be overcome but not by me alone. So I first asked for forgiveness then prayed that the Lord would help me overcome my feeling of being scared.. It's so amazing that when we humble ourselves and just ask the Lord will deliver us from things we naturally don't see an end too or a way out.

Psalms 102: 17 He will regard the ^aprayer of the destitute, and not despise their prayer.

Alma 33: 5 Yea, O God, and thou wast merciful unto me when I did cry unto thee in my field; when I did cry unto thee in my prayer, and thou didst hear me

What is this Love you speak of?

So today in Relief Society we had a great lesson on Charity. Which is one of my favorite attributes to discuss. I have done as the scriptures counsel us to do and I have prayed to be filled with the pure love of Christ and love and serve those around me. It's something I try to get better at every day. One thing I love about the gospel of Jesus Christ is that because of Christ's sacrifice and atonement I feel love. I feel the love that Heavenly Father has for all of His Children and Christs love for all of us and for our Father. I have never felt so loved in my life since joining the Lords Church, I can see His love for all us in our lives.

So this lesson made me think alot about love. I think love is one of the deepest desires that we naturally hold. Everyone desires to be loved and too love, but I think the desire to be love is sometimes greater than the desire to love. Cause I think being able to love allows us to be more vulnerable at times and more susceptible to hurt and pain. To me love is interesting. I love to love. Even if it's just loving my favorite sweater, or loving my grandmother, or my best friend. I often don't know how to react to the act of being loved. So I thought I'd dig a little more into the meaning of love... One of my favorite books I have ever read is called the 5 love languages. It talks about how everyone receives love differently, it refers to how each one has our natural language like English or Spanish etc. Like if someone walked up to someone thats language was English but they were speaking French to them they would be like huh?!? And it's the same as how we receive love. The author says there are 5 love languages Physical touch, Quality time, Words of affirmation, Acts of Service, and Gift giving. So if we are a person that feels more loved when people spend time with us then that is how we are going to show love as well. So it's important to thank about how others feel loved and try to express your love in ways they will feel it more fully. I love that book. Here's the test! http://www.afo.net/hftw-lovetest.asp

Here are some definitions

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2.

a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, asfor a parent, child, or friend.

3. affectionate concern for the well-being of others:

I think unconditional love is a beautiful thing. To love through everything and despite everything. To love through the good and love through the bad...To not let the small things get in the way. To love someone for their greatest weakness's...

Speak up! I can't hear your thoughts!!!

Why are some people so afraid to share what they are thinking or feeling. I think that is one of my favoritest things about myself, is that if I think it I normally say it. If someone looks real pretty in their new easter dress, I say so, in all my relationships I try to always be open and honest. I mean I'm a pretty closed person when it comes to the deep personal stuff, but why hide what we feel. I am all for the open and honest approach. When my mom was alive she'd tell people never to ask me a honest question unless they wanted an honest answer. I just think if we were more open with how we felt it would make things in our relationships a whole lot less complicated, there would be no guessing games. Do they like me or not like me, does this dress make me resemble a whale or Catherine Hiegel. Not meaning for this entry to be a boasting session or anything but one of my other favorite quality about myself is I don't get offended. And maybe that's what stops us from being open, the fear of offending or hurting others feelings. But I think it's so good to express things, I don't think we should go around and tellin people we think they are fat or that their haircut isn't very flattering. But if we think someone did something well, why not tell them. And in our all of our different relationships, why not be open with how we feel about that person or how that person makes us feel. Ok and if you don't want to speak up then make your actions more clear. I don't think words are needed in order to express how you feel, but sometimes we fail to even act like we care. So this is really just a random venting, even though I do know people like this, no one has rubbed me the wrong way with it lately lol. But I do see in others relationships and lives that they loose out on good things because they don't speak up, then I also see people wondering how someone else may feel about them and they wouldn't have to wonder if the other partee would just step up and speak up. AVOID THE DRAMA AVOID THE BEATING AROUND THE BUSH..

Is it a date or not a date?!? That is the question!

PLEASE COMMENT!

I really want to know what others think about this, so heads up single ladies.

So a few days' ago I got into an interesting debate about what constitutes as a date.. It was presented to me that any two single adults of opposite gender hanging out together alone is a date...

I objected to this statement and the debate was on...

I think in order to be considered a date both parties must agree and have the same understanding. I think that there is nothing wrong with a single girl just hanging out with a single guy, in fact I think all great relationships start from nourishing a friendship.

And shouldn't dating be a simple thing, boy asks girl out girl says yes, they eat dinner, have fun and laugh.. The end... Am I wrong? I think sometimes dating is hard because we make it hard. We put all of these rules and boundaries when really we should just focus on being friends. My best relationship was with a guy that became my very best friend. We shared everything together. And at the time he was my favorite person to be around. Things were so simple before they got complicated. I wonder sometimes if I will ever be able to find that again. Because I do want to Marry someone who is my best friend. Someone that thinks my goofy and randomness is actually cute. Someone that looks at me and doesn't see a chubby girl but see's my heart. Ok I'm veering from my tangent. So ok what do you think? A date is it two people hanging out? Is it a mutual understanding? And lets throw in What makes it so complicated?

(You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story baby just say yes)

Traditions..

Tonight I colored Easter Eggs with the girls. Some of my favorite times are spent with my cousin Jamie and the girls. They are 3 of my favorite people in this world. It was a fun night, I think it was Anna's first time dying eggs, and as you can tell from the color of her hands in the pictures, she didn't believe in using the dippers. Jamie made her a Mean Witch egg, which was her favorite. The funniest part was in this picture Anna is eating her mean which egg that she cracked, after she got down Lily spotted the egg and dove in like a fat kid craving chocolate lol. Only my cousins kids would get that excited over eating a boiled egg.

This week has been a little blah with an added eye twitch. I feel like I am twirling in circles but not moving at all. Like the entire world is racing by me and I'm just spinning while moving, it's really a strange feeling. I really needed time with my family, and tonight hit the spot. I think just too much is happening at once, the new job and the hunt for a house and oh yes lets not forget the horrible drive I make daily. It is killing me!!!!!!!!!!!!

But on a more positive note I'm happy and smiling for the most part. Just have been a little blah lately. I think I need good ol wholesome fun and relaxation.

My last day off was rather fun we went to the park and flew kites then went to the new park in Shelby farms then off to yogart mountain and house viewing. It was a fun day filled with new friends, old friends and giggles. Minus the debate though..Which I think I will make an entire entry about, so please stay tuned! But till then I will close this entry with an ode to Ana it's her favorite song and mine!

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

Who are you when I'm not looking?

'Do you break things when you get mad? Eat a box of chocolates 'cause you're feelin' bad? Do you paint your toes 'cause you bite your nails? Call up momma when all else fails? Who are you when I'm not around? When the door is locked and the shades are down? Do you listen to your music quietly?
And when it feels just right, are you thinkin' of me? '

So I am not a country music fan not even a little bit. But every morning I wake up to my grams watching CMT. There is this popular song on there thats relatively new I think called who are you when I'm not looking. Granted if the song was sung by Steven Tyler or Jim Morrison I'd like it much better but it's the idea behind the song that has struck me lately.. I have thought alot about it on several different occasions and today being one of them. I know I have my little quirks and moments that no one see's so I often wonder if people really see me, if they really know who I am. And the same with others that I have the privledge of being around, I get to see them in ways that others never have and may never get to. It's the seemingly simple, silliest, and randomest things that people do that allows you to see the pure beauty that they hold. So do we really know each other, do we know how caring we are, do we know how funny, do we know how cheesy or even romantic we can be? I believe there is so much more to a person then we see. I hope that I will take more time to see the little things that make someone who they really are. Your profession nor your looks describe who you are but singing in the shower at the top of your lungs or stopping to help a young child get his ball out of the ditch does... So who are you when no ones looking? Tell me whats some things you do that no one sees? What makes you you?I'm not sure if this thought is making any sense but it is something I am so passionate about. I guess the reason would be because I've seen Caterpillars turn into butterflies right before my eyes...

BEAUTIFUL MOMENTS...BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

This is a picture of my brother when he was about 15. Yes it looks goofy and anyone reading this that knows him may have never seen this side of him. My cousin AJ was a few months old and when she was first born she was really sick and stayed in the hospital for the first months of her life. Jason and I lived with our Grandparents after my parents got a divorce and at the time this picture was taken baby AJ and her mom was living with us while her dad was out at sea with the Navy. So AJ cried alot and was rarely comfortable. Every time Jason held her she would cry cry cry. If my gram or her mom held her 'NOTHING'. Jason really hated that he made her cry, so he figured that (ok this is going to sound funny) but he came up with the idea that it must be because he didn't have boobs and his bony chest must be uncomfortable so he put on one a bra and stuffed it with clothes.. He then picked l

ittle AJ up and she did not cry, she fell asleep in his arms. My brother is a pill for sure but what most don't see is that he has a huge heart...

Alyson Blain

One of the many beautiful sisters that I have the pleasure to go to church with. Alyson has became one of my dearest, and treasured friends. When I first met her I thought she was very shy and didn't have much to say. But I have been blessed to see her heart and to get to know her. She is the true definition of a beautiful girl, inside and out she is stunning. She is hilariously goofy, and makes me smile and laugh when ever I am around her. I love when she dances in the car lol.

My cousin Jamie (who I love and adore more then I can express), is the strongest person I know. I see her day after day fight a disease she has. I see her day after day be the best mom, teacher, wife and friend. She doesn't know how to give up or give in. Beauty radiates from her when she plays with her kids cause the love beams from her eyes. She's silly and corkey and well one of the greatest people on the planet. Her example helps me want to be a better person, and a more caring person. I've heard my grandmother pray number of nights for each one of her children, I see her day after day reading the bible.

My mom, Melissa G. Hutchinson. My mom wa

s probably the most misunderstood and overlooked person. So many people judged her, I think I may of even been guilty of it a time of 2. But now I see and was lucky to see her for her before she passed. My mom's greatest joys in her short life was her children. We were her life and her everything. I feel her love even now. For Christmas, and other holidays even if she didn't have lots of money she would always make sure we had lots of gifts, even if they were bought at the dollar store. She loved children and children were drawn to her. I remember when I was little I loved to hear and make my mom laugh. Me, Jason and my cousins would get her laughing so much that she'd pee her pants lol..

Growing up...

So today while at work it felt like at anytime I was going to see the mean old witch or a cow float by the window. There was alot of damage around, with trees falling on cars and houses. I don't think a tornado touched down but there were real strong winds. It was funny the two doctors I work for were in the closet with their patients. And I was moments away from climbing under my desk and taking a nap.

I got off early and went and looked at some houses. Right now I feel it is all to good to be true, but I am being approved for a loan to buy a house and I am pretty sure I found the perfect house for me today. It is in Cordova and a really really good price. So if all works out with the lender tomorrow I will then make my very first offer. It is 2bedrooms and 2 1/2 bath. The two bedrooms and full baths are upstairs. It has a two car garage and zero lot line. I'm trying not to get to excited but I am....But everything is happening really fast but I feel really good about it so I will continue to take a leap of faith.

Here are some pictures.....

Ahhh The Beauty of Insight

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, this weekend was General Conference. General Conference happens twice a year and it is a time where we are blessed to hear counsel from the Prophet and other general authorities of the church. To prepare for conference I search myself for questions that I need answers to. Sometimes personal sometimes spiritual questions. This time I really wanted to know if I was living my life according to the Lords will. To my amazement there was a talk that related to that exact concern. So it was great.. But the AHH HA moment I had was something different. So let me give you some background then I will deliver this great moment. So I am a happily single girl. I struggle with the desire to date. Don't get me wrong I really do desire to have a family, a husband with a pugh full of children lol. But it's like I want the family with out doing the work, like I want to one day just wake up next to my husband then walk down the hall to find my curly headed children. I guess it's a defense mechanism. You see I'm a very confident girl and I love myself for who I am inside and out. I know that there are things that I want to improve about myself and I do try to actively work on it. But anyways so I'm happy with me and will only change if I want to and not for others, which brings me to my challenge most guys are not attracted or willing to give bigger girls chances. It's like outward imperfections are like diseases in the dating world. So I often just don't try or have interest in liking guys. Which I know isn't proactive but it's who I am and I'm very happy and rarely lonely without a guy but I know very strongly that families are essential to Gods plan. And that having an eternal companion and family is a beautiful and wonderfully fulfilling blessing. But I struggle with finding the desire to try. So often I'll see an interesting guy with a cute smile and a shining testimony (it's funny to me how that's an attractive feature) so I'll see a guy that peeks my interest then with in moments I talk myself out of it. Ok enough of that so too my ah ha moment. So in conference a speaker was talking about how Satan seeks to destroy the family because a strong righteous family has eternal power. So what a plan to stop a family before it even has a chance to form. So all of my insecurities regarding dating and marriage is Satan targeting my weakness's. I may not be a super model on the outside but on the inside I know that I'm the hottest of the hotts. So why not try. Why not take a leap of faith and align my desires with God's plan for all His children. There will be a guy that will see the real me and that guy will be a lucky human being. So this is me saying nice try, I will overcome....