Paint your own Picture...

Ok so here comes the story. About 5 months ago when I was unemployed and had a broken foot I was at Walmart hobblin around trying to escape the cabin fever I was experiencing when I ran into this lady I used to work with way back in the day. I think I was about 23 anyway so we started talking and she was catching me up on everything going on in her family, when we were about to go our separate ways she said hey are you dating anyone, I so badly wanted to say yes but that would of been a big fat lie, so I said no haven't had much luck in that department, so I go from avoiding the lie to being WAY to honest. Anyway she goes on about how her brother in law would make the perfect match for me, he was single, sweet, funny and had a great job, so she asked if she could give him my number, I thought sure why not so I gave it to her...Forgetting all about it I get a voice-mail one night from this guy, I didn't call him back but he called back the 2 days later and I answered, she was right he was nice, BUT BUT BUT I started noticing he was a little different, one thing is he just talked and never really let me talk and I noticed he had patterns and routines. So one day we were talking like day 3 I think and he goes on about how I'm a perfect princess and how he'd treat me like one and how he wanted to meet up, so I started in on the questions avoiding the answer to his, and turns out he's 45 which ok If I'm attracted to a guy I don't care his age but I have to be attracted and I've never found a 45 yr old attractive but I could I guess, so I moved on past that then he said well my sister n law told me that she tried to tell you what I looked like but you told her it didn't matter all you'd see was my heart so you won't mind my lazy eye and that means so much. I though hmmm lazy eye hmmm well I could look past it but defiantly never said that but if I was a nice person maybe I would of so I felt quilt y any ways ok so more talking and it turns out he has some mental retardation AHHHH HAAAA I was right! So I was nice, and very forward in a nice way, and we eventually stopped talking. But in the midst of this came my problem I got kind of sad and hurt thinkin about what people must see in me. Cause so many people say oh this guy would be great for you and yeah this one too and then they all have mental disorders or a hunch back, ok the hunch back is me exaggerating a little, but still I started thinking is this what people see in me, that I have a mental disorder and am crippled by my physical appearance. I thought great I'm stupid and ugly. I never have really cared what others thought of me but this really did catch me off guard. So I tried rationalizing and analyzing what I do best and thought maybe it's not cause I'm those things but maybe it's cause I'm just really nice and appear easy to push over. I really want to be the nice girl who isn't judgmental or shallow but in ways I am. So anyways here I am analyzing and thought yeah thats the reason its cause I'm nice and people think I would be nice to the people no one else is, and yes that is true I am nice and I do treat them like human beings no matter what but just date someone I have absolute no interest in just for the sake of dating and being the nice person yeah not a chance. Way too head strong for that one. So one it's because I'm nice and two it's because people just don't take the time to really see me and most just don't know me. Anyway so that's what I chopped it up too and walked away from that thought. Well heres the refreshing part, tonight I visit taught Ann then we did a session together and to our surprise lovely Brenna was doing a temple endowment session too. GREAT SESSION by the way, the spirit was real strong and inspiring. Then after we went for frozen treats and sat and talked until we couldn't handle shivering any longer, so during our convos we were talking about a guy that allot of people say I'd be a good match for, and Ann and Brenna said no he wouldn't be a good match for you at all and they didn't know that they've met one that would be. This made me feel good and brought back the feelings I walked away from unharmed lol. It's a real good feeling to know that you've been seen, that someone actually see's past the outside and really sees who you are and what you bring to the table.They are two of my favorite people and I'm real thankful for this great night even with the shivers it was a good night. And I hope that I will truly see people more from the picture I allow them to paint for me and not from the pictures other people paint of them. That I will truly see others as well. Well I'm saying goodnight to this good day. Hopefully my dreams are calmer tonight, last night I think I dreamed about everyone I know and everyone I have ever known..