Things will never be the same..

"A mind that has been stretched by a new experience can never go back to it's previous existence".. This quote was sent to me a few weeks ago by my good buddy Des.. I recently had fallen in love with what I thought was going to be my eternal companion and my future step children.. I do not wish to post about hurt feelings, or the he did he did not do, but I want to blog about the what now.. Before this experience I had always struggled with the desire to be married, it was like if it happens it happens but right now I'm happy and I'm living this life to the fullest YEH! This experience taught me that one can be so happy alone but there is a reason God commands His children to enter into the covenant of marriage, and I felt it! When you can care for and love someone else like that it multiplies that happiness.. So I was ready to be a wife and a mother.. I had made plans to move and he had bought a ring, so in my mind this was it!!! Cool huh! But it turned out it wasn't it, and that's ok, I've realized it was actually for the very very very very best but even though it didn't work out I wouldn't trade that experience for anything, because of what I learned.. So now that I have been changed by this experience, my mind and spirit has been enlightened, how in the world do I go back to just having fun and hanging out! What do you do when you've experienced something life changing but then have to go back to where you were.. I mean I am clinging to this new found knowledge and testimony with dear life, but I'm afraid I will loose it, I am afraid I won't have that desire anymore.. I'm afraid of forgetting all the lesson's life teaches us.. I don't want to and will not turn into one of those marriage wanting crazed mormon girls haha, and I'm not convinced that the lesson I learned was all about the importance of marriage. But I feel it was more so about understanding this life, and the purpose of it much more fully.. There is much more going on in this world then just the life of Jennifer Shea Kirkland... Everything we feel everything we experience has a purpose beyond our understanding.. I've changed my heart and my soul have changed not only by this experience I shared but by so many more, what do I do now is the question..I'm no longer content with just living for the fun times, and just for myself.. I want something more, I want to be something more, I want to love more and help more!! I'm not sure if this makes sense but it's a struggle of my heart as of late!

Recommitting to Blogging!

As of late I've have learned and experienced so much! I want to blog again to record these experiences and feelings. My second reason, is I love sharing and recording the things going on in my life and normally do that by using Facebook but I feel I need to use that less..On thing that struck me last week in church were the words and they still... It was said referring to people in the Phillipeans who recently experienced alot of tragedy, that even thought they lost everything they still served each other, and still picked up things and continued on. I have recently went through a few things that have been a bit devastating to me, and my initial reaction was to think and feel that people are just careless and nasty haha, but that made me feel either worse. But after hearing those words I was reminded that no matter what happens in our lives we should STILL, still believe, still move forward, still hope for a better life, still remain faithful.. It's important that we decide to let all of our experiences no matter what they are, shape us in a positive way... So no matter what I am choosing to be hopeful and faithful and not loose complete hope in humanity haha.. Last night I went with Lauren to see a band called MGMT, of man it was so horrible lol.. I realized that I have gotten so old.. I spent most of my time praying for those around me.. But least we took pretty pictures lol.. Well I haven't even put a dent in the massive thoughts and experiences haha but I am tired and need to put away some laundry.. Hopefully I will keep up my commitment...

Long time no post!

So I have over 20 drafts of blog entry's I have never finished.. So sad seeing how I love to blog and feel so good when I do. I don't know if I've just been to busy or what really. To catch up on where I am right now in life... I just celebrated my 31st birthday, it was weird cause I was just getting use to 30 haha. I was thrown a party that ended up really great, I had alot of fun, and some of my favorite people were there, including a guy I find extremely interesting.. First one in a looooonnnnngggggg time. We played alot of fun games including a version of suck and blow, but in this version you had to hold a small piece of paper at the end of a straw but sucking then give it to the next person by blowing after running around an obstical.. One of the funny things that happened during this game was when it was my turn I was running around the corner and the paper dropped into the scoop of my shirt hahaha I was like well the only rule was you couldn't touch it with your hands so lets do this, so I can to the next member on my team with the paper pretty much on my boobs, luckly that player was my friend Caitlin haha.. I had no idea that other people were looking but later caught on that it was also the highlight of other's night to.. So being 31 has started out really good. I spent yesterday and today with my family. Me, Jamie, Lily, and Ana, built a ginger bread princess castle last night, and watched the Grinch. It was really great to be with them. Now on to a few other things happening in my life. One I am finishing up my first semester of College. I have done really well and am excited about this next semester,even though I still can't go full time because of money, I'm still happy to at least be working towards a degree, and am hopefull that something will happen soon that will allow me to afford it.. Me and my friend Lenora have enlisted in helping each other work toward some goals. One of the common goals we are working towards is getting more physically fit, and we are going to start by preparing for a 5k, which doesn't excite me too much but it is something she really wants to do and I really want to help and support her, so here I go.. I hope to be more dedicated to posting more.... I have a lot of built of feelings and thoughts I gotta get out haha... Cheers to a new week!

What do I do now?

I have recently made a desion to change the way I interact with guys i find potentially interesting. So in the past when i thought a guy was inter esting and maybe someone i would date i would try to be around them more to give them the oppurtunity to maybe notice me, and the more i was around them it gave me the chance to see if they kept the title of interesting, then if i still had interest i would ask them on a date. So this had only happened twice and i felt very good about my approach. Because i didnt wanted to be a girl that wonfered does he or doesntbhe like me. Well as of recent i have decided against this measure of action. Which was easy seeing how i havent found anyone interesting in some time now. But lately there is a guy that i really like the interaction we have. I dont know him well but when in a room with alot of people we gravitate to each other. So what now? One i dont even know if i woukd like him and in my mind ive basically already ruled out that he wohld like me.But if i continue to think like that then arentvi shooting myself in the foot?i guess my real question comes from how we are always told to date, but how does one do this if they are a girl that isnt being aksed out, doez that excuse us from trying and if it doesnt hos do we try? Anywho just wondering. Life haz been pretty grand lately well in parts. Had some brother issues which threw me for a loop as alawys. Man have i ever missed blogging. Oh also i decided to take o.e class this semester at sourhwest community college. I have decided to just try to see kf i can handle it. I have tried to go to school so many time and it didnt work so we will see if this attempt will be different. I do at least have my schedule so all that is lackin is me giving them my money. So thats my thoughts for the evening. Hopecully i will blog again soon. Night interenet land.

The little Jennifer that could! And DID!

So I haven't blogged in a hott minute. There has been so much going on in my life. (Road trip to Texas, battle to loose weight, stupid mothers day, countless nights of fun, new friends, up coming trips, etc) But it is 12:42am and I'm beat but am so excited and proud of myself so I thought I'd post, after all this is the closest to journaling I get.. So for about 2 months I have been playing co-ed softball. I only started playing because they were short girls and were going to have to forfeit. So I skipped my LOVE (Zumba) and went to hopefully sit the bench.. But I played.. I'm pretty good at sports but these days I'm slowed down by my weight. So each game I've played I have hit the ball when it was my turn to bat, ok not entirely true I do believe the first time I struck out. Any who so every time I bat I hit and then ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, get out before I make it to the base. The last game we played I made it to the bast 1 second after the ball, I was so frustrated I so nearly had it. Tonight we had a late game and before the game I went to Zumba then drove to the park afterwards. Our team lost by 1 point so we are now 2/2. But who cares, I did it I finally did it, I got a good hit and FINALLY made it to base. I was so happy. Right before I went to bat I told my friend JT that all I want the entire season is just to make it on base.. When I hit it I could hear him cheering loudly. Then the second greatest thing about the game, I got my first battle wound. I would take a pic of it but it's not dark yet,. I was catching and someone through the ball home really hard and off so I ran to it and it hit me right in the leg. I heard the people behind me and my team saying awwww, and way to stop the ball, so I just replied with YEY for internal bleeding lol.. So that's my story for the evening... Next time we will get them though, we do have a pretty good team! Oh below is some pics from Texas, I so wish I was more of a picture taker but these are all I have. Also maybe someday I will get around to blogging about my trip and trips to come. Texas was amazing.. Just a quick over view.. I met the most beautiful man ever in Dallas, tried to break into a house, tried to sale a year supply of water to a stranger, had many near death experiences while riding with Nielson, Met some truckers, got a tour of where JFK was shot and caught up on all the conspiracy theories from a bum, danced my butt off, had coldstone icecream for the first time, had the worst mexican food ever, and much more. So here's some pics. 1st one, the living room decor I woke up to every morning, pictures taken and blown up by Danelle's roomie. One of the pics are of her fathers severed thumb, then a bloody chin, and a propane tank they blow up every year.. HAHA it was entertaining

2nd the stripper pole in the dinning room, so which I would of got a pic of Desiree playin on that thing soo funny

A guys busted lip after Danelle elbowed him lol

Me and Danelle, oh how I love that kid!

That's all folks!

Feeling Accomplished..

I had the day off today, It was great. All to often on my days off, the same things tend to happen. I have big goals and plans to fix up or improve my house and I never get around to it.. But not today I had plans and have stuck to every single one of them.. This morning I had my carpets cleaned professionally.. ALL the stains in my dining room are gone, so magical! I got this great deal from living social, I paid 45 bucks for 3 rooms to be cleaned. I am pretty satisfied with the work they performed. While they cleaned my carpets I sat in the kitchen in my favorite with the rest of my furniture and read some of the 3rd Hunger Games book Mockingjay. After that I worked in the flower beds in the front of my house. I dug up 3 bushed and trimmed the crap out of the remaining ones. I pulled allot of weeds out as well still quite a bit to do but the front of my house doesn't look like it's being eaten by bushes anymore. After that I took a shower which believe it or not that was on my list, lol normally on days off when I don't have plans on getting out I don't shower. Then I put all the furniture back and went to the store to pick up some fresh flowers for the living room. Then game home and fixed dinner. While dinner was cooking I worked out with an exercise video. There were a few surprises that weren't on my list lol, like being serenaded by my roommate playing the viola while I worked out. So yep I'm feeling pretty darn good about my day, oh even last night was good, I actually followed my plan to go to the gym. I have decided that right when I get home from work I will exercise. Mondays, Wednesday, and Fridays I will do a workout dvd from home and the other days except Sunday I will go to the gym for 15 minutes to lift weights, and do some strength training. I figure after I get the routine down and after time I'll spice it up a bit but for right now I'm happy with my efforts and plan. I haven't blogged in a month or so, so I haven't expressed my feelings about my new love COOKING! I used to hate it but now I love it. I feel Danelle my first roommate in my house helped allot. But not I just love it, it's like and art to me. So I've been cooking dinners almost every night for me and Brianne. I also love the idea that you can control what goes in your food, I know what I'm eating. Also I just like creating, and to see the finished product. Tonight for dinner we had a turkey loaf, salad, and wild rice yummmm..... It was mighty tastey.. Tomorrow I'm making an asparagus dish. I really really love to cook and I'm getting pretty good at it. Well I can read recipes and I don't measure completely in accordance to the recipe, but it turns out better in my opinion... I do what to get to the point where I can just have ingredients in front of me and be able to make something great by creating it myself.. So there is one more thing I need to do for bed, to make my list officially complete and that is hang up my mountain high pile of clothes on my dresser so I should scoot! I love you Mr. blog thank you for letting me write to you!

Valentines Day and my new LOVE! (Don't get too excited haha)

Happy Valentines fellow Bloggers... I love this day! Even though I am normally single on this day I still have a great love for it. Most singles dread it or see it as any other day, but I love it so much cause the true sweetness and creativity in relationships come out and people strive extra hard to make their loved ones feel extra love. I am a firm believer that we should strive to do that everyday and not just once a year but we're human you know.. It's just so refreshing to see healthy relationships, people in love, and filled with excitement.. I remember when I was little every Valentines Day I would come home from school and my dad would have a little vase of fresh roses for me and a big one for my mom.. Sometimes I'd just get one rose and sometimes they would be picked from my grandmother's rose garden but they were always there.. So this Valentines has been a good one, I have heard from a few people that I love today, and they were all so excited about this day, and about new loves, old ones, or their family's.. It made me oh so happy to see those I love happy.

So on to my new love and how I spent my night.. ZUMBA! Oh how I love Zumba.. I discovered this free class last week and went to it. It is every Tuesday @7.. I fell in love last week when I went, I love to dance and I love to move. It's very fast pace and I fumble allot but it still excites me. Tonight I went and 2 dear friends of mine joined me. I'm not sure if they fell in love like I did but I think they fell in like and said they'd come back.

So there you have it my new love and my Valentines Day... It's been a happy day, it always is when the ones you love are happy, when you find new passions, and when people you love to be around does something you love with you.. Ahhhh what a great life I have..

As for now I should hit the publish post button and hit the hay.. Goodnight all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!